You are not alone
Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder
I have always had a feeling that my cycles were different, even in my teenage years. I have always noticed that I felt a little happier once my period started which was different than my girlfriends. I never thought anything about it until my life was suddenly debilitating. By this time I had four small children, one of them being only months old. I had my tubes tied when my youngest was born, I often have a feeling that is what jumpstarted all of the chaos, but I couldn’t be sure, and it didn’t even matter at that point. My life was a mess, I was a mess. It was like clockwork, I ovulated and turned into a different person. PMDD affects the ovulation process with symptoms that last until the next period begins. Women often call it “hell week” even though it’s longer than a week. I felt as if I was out of my own body at times, could not stop the rage that came out of my mouth, the uncontrollable anxiety that woke me up at night, the body aches and brain fog that made me feel so weak. The relationships crumbling around me due to my irrational behavior. I got to the point where I wanted to separate my true self from this person I turned into. So I gave her a name. My name is Kai. Her name was Kara. My family was forced to adopt Kara into their world, they hated her but knew the real me. As Kara caused the chaos, Kai had to come in and clean up the mess that was created until it was time for Kara to show her ugly face again. It got to the point where I felt so hopeless and worthless that I attempted to take my own life, the thought of ending it brought me happiness which also scared the hell out of me. With the love and support of my husband and children I made the decision to finally get help. No amount of eating better, counseling, coping mechanisms or medications were helping. I begged my provider to help me, to save my life as she was my last hope. She was amazing, she let me cry she let me spill it all out and then she offered me what would change my world. To remove my ovaries. I was hesitant at first due to the fact that I would be in menopause at such a young age but I can truly say I have never felt better. The dark cloud that stood over me half of my days is now gone for good. My goal is to spread awareness to PMDD and help anyone who will listen.
My Treatment:
My successful treatment was surgical intervention. My ovaries were removed via surgical intervention as my body could no longer handle ovulation. I am now a post-menopausal woman at the age of 34. I continue to protect my body by taking hormone replacement therapy, but I am alive again.
There is hope:
I know that it is a possibility that you are reading this already frustrated, already feeling as if you want to give up. Please don’t. Remember that there is always an option, this will not end you, but it will make you stronger. Here are some tips to help until you find the right treatment for you:
Be kind to yourself, this is a negative reaction that the brain is experiencing during changes in your cycle. You did not ask for this.
Educate yourself and your family, they most likely want to be educated to have empathy and understanding as this is hard on them too.
Do not compare yourself to others, you are a beautiful person going through a rough time. It will get better.
Eliminate triggers around you. You cannot change the way your brain handles your cycle, but you can avoid stressful interactions or situations.
Track your cycles, this will give you a better understanding on what to expect. I use to try and avoid get togethers/visitors during the days I know I will struggle. I linked “flo” on here but you really can use any kind of period tracking app/website.
I have created my own candle business in which I use fragrances that helps women relax and find comfort while they may be struggling with PMDD or even PMS symptoms. Please check out my Etsy account, allow me to help you relax.
To learn more about PMDD
IAPMD is a great resource that I have utilized while going through this process. There are resources for each step in your process starting with a quiz to see if you have PMDD to how to get diagnosed and treated.